It feels like it has been forever since I have sat down to write. And that’s because it has been. I haven’t written consistently for about 4 months. 4 whole months that just slipped by. I told myself that I would give myself a week off, and then that turned into a month, and now here we are. If I am being completely honest, I didn’t take this time off because I was too busy, but in all reality, I just haven’t wanted to write. I haven’t had the energy to write lighthearted fluff, yet I definitely didn’t have the ability to process everything that has been going on in the past few months, much less write about it and share it with the world.
Whenever I write a post, I try to be positive, or helpful in some way. At the end of reading it I want you to walk away feeling inspired or uplifted. Well, lately I haven’t been feeling overly positive or inspired, and so in turn I just stopped writing to spare you all from how I was really feeling. I felt like if I could not bring the beauty, the inspiration, and the light into each post, then it wasn’t worth writing. Everyday I told myself, “tomorrow I’ll write something ‘worthy’ of posting.” And you know what, everyday tomorrow came, and I didn’t write a post. There were multiple attempts made, but nothing ever came from those. There was just a complete block.
I recently realized that I was waiting on things in life to “clean up” before I started writing again, and that once that happened, then I would be able to crank out post after post of positive uplifting material. Seriously? I don’t think I actually believed that, but that’s what I kept telling myself.
Here’s the deal, life is really messy. We all have things going on, and there is never a time when things are all “cleaned up.” We can’t wait around to pursue, invest, and share our lives just because we are waiting for a better time, a prettier time, because unfortunately that time may never come. So today I’ve decided to screw it, and just enter into it all. Writing used to be a place where I found rest. An outlet where I was able to sort through jumbled thoughts and feelings, and make some sense of what was going on around me, and connect with others through it. I think by putting myself in this box, of what I could and couldn’t write about anymore, I really stifled that and lost the ability to write as freely as I once did. So I’m here to take it back.
Life is too short to put ourselves on an island, no matter how pretty that island may look. I would rather live in the midst of a messy city if it means that I have community, support, and know that I am not alone in this life.
Now, don’t get me wrong in reading all of this. I am very fortunate with the life I have, and am very happy. I have a loving family and support system who has shown up in more ways than we could’ve even imagined. We are healthy, able to work, and have goals and dreams that we are able to chase after. But I think it’s healthy to admit that even sometimes when we have really good things going on around us, there can be really hard things in the midst of it. It is never all or nothing. I have slowly been learning, throughout all of this, that in the midst of those hard seasons, when things seem to keep falling apart, that’s when we call on the good things in our lives. We have the good to pull us through the bad.
We all have good in our lives, we just have to look for it. Some days harder than others. But I promise you, once you find it, and begin to intentionally acknowledge it, it will surprise you how often it pops up to throw you a rope. The days we can see past today, and look towards a better tomorrow are the ones that will keep us going.
I do want to offer a few things that I have found to be very helpful through this season though. There are definitely practical ways to do the best we can for ourselves, even when we really don’t want to.
- Talk to someone: I know this is so cliche, but it’s because it’s so important. We have got to open ourselves up so that people can and know how to help us. It’s definitely embarrassing sometimes to admit, not only to ourselves, but to other people what’s really going on, but find your safe people and do it. Sometimes just shedding light on a situation helps.
- Read a Fiction book: Find a way to escape. Find someone else’s problems to read about and get sucked into. So often I will go take a hot bath at the end of the day and read just so that I can think about something else for a change.
- Have a Gratitude List: Hang a sheet of paper on your fridge, and ANYTIME anything good happens, or you find pleasure in something, write it down. It could be a summer rain storm, or someone showing up in a way that is unbelievable. But the more we acknowledge the good, the easier it will be to see. Also, this is an incredible thing to have to look back at, once you’re on the other side, to remind you where you came from and what got you through it.
- Self Care: Don’t let yourself go. It may seem like you aren’t worth taking care of in the midst of it all, but that is the furthest thing from the truth. If you don’t feel good about yourself, you will probably have a much harder time getting through each day. Get your hair done, paint your nails, buy yourself a new shirt. Whatever it is that gives you that extra pep in your step, do it, because that pep may be all that’s keeping you afloat that day.
I hope this resonates with some of you today. Feel free to feel how you are today, but also hold tight to the hope that there are ways to move forward. And you know what, you aren’t alone.